When it’s Your Job to Deal with the Hard Stuff: A Guide

When I started nursing school, there was minimal talk about emotions and what you would be exposed to daily. It was up to you to figure out how to deal and cope with the repeated traumas morally, ethically, and physically. Many of us coming out of nursing school have hard blinders about how bad things can get. You want to believe that you can help in every scenario, but you can’t. It takes time to figure out that many things are out of your control. It takes even more time to come to terms with it. So how do you come to terms with the fact that your job is to help save people, yet people still die?

1. Know that all you can do is the best you can do in any scenario, and sometimes the outcome has nothing to do with how hard you tried.
2. Sometimes, seeing death as a blessing versus a loss can make it easier to deal with. Providing a dignified death to someone in a hospital setting is a great honour and helps me mentally cope with that loss.
3. Realize that you are not superhuman, and you will get caught up in emotions. That’s OK.
4. Sometimes, some losses will hit harder than others. Know that you have every right to grieve as you feel fit, but don’t let it stop you.
5. Belief in any higher power, God, Goddess, Fate, or Karma, can help put your role into perspective.
6. Realizing dealing with the hard stuff will make the minor things seem inconsequential. Know that this will give you a better perspective when dealing with your life.
7. Know that everybody deals with grief and disappointment and is upset differently. Some people want to talk, some want to hide, some want to cry, and some will bottle it until it explodes years later. Make sure you are talking when ready to speak and listen when someone else is prepared to talk.

So how does this matter to someone who isn’t in the job of life and death? Take our hurt, pain, and coping, and understand that we may have a tough time dealing long term. Sometimes we can offer perspective when something may seem like an ending to you. It is just a bump in the road in the grand scheme. People who rarely deal with death daily see it as taboo and don’t want to talk about it.

But what if talking about it takes away some fears?
What are your fears when it comes to death and dying?

• What do you not want to know when it was going to happen?
• Would you want a say as to where you are dying?
• Could you now give friends and family advice instead of waiting too long?
• Do you fear you won’t be remembered?
• Do you fear you won’t get to watch your family grow up and live their best life?
• If you’ve had someone monumental in your life pass, what would’ve made their passing easier on you?
• Do you want the big funeral with everybody crying and wailing, or do you want a celebration of life?
• Do you want to tell your kids to watch out for sure signs after you die that will let them know that you’re still thinking of them? Consider finding a dime, a cardinal, your favourite song playing on the radio for them, or a specific smell.
• What if you left your diary for each of your children outlining your memories of them? Wouldn’t that be irreplaceable? So why not do that now while you’re feeling well?

Death doesn’t need to be viewed as the be-all and end-all. What if it was just a transition? What if you continued to live on in the minds of your loved ones? What if you believed you could watch them continue with their lives and be there to offer guidance when needed?

What would be so scary, then?