Why the healers are so inexplicably drawn to those, who hurt us.

I’ve always felt that I need to care for others. That feeling ended up as a career in ER nursing and one of the most demanding and rewarding things I’ve ever done. However, this feeling of always needing to be the healer has led me to always put myself second, if not dead last. Nursing has singlehandedly made me take my wants and needs and throw them out the window. The guilt that some employers use to get you to stay late, become overworked, and pick up shifts when you had no intention to do so is so common that it has simply become part of an unspoken expectation. The expectation is that you will sacrifice all your baser needs to come to the care and aid of others.

This practice had a light shone on it with the pandemic. Finally, people were put in the actual situation of risking their lives for others. This was never something that was ever discussed in nursing school, or even by the employers. It just happened, and nursing as a whole took it in stride. We never called ourselves heroes; to be fair, the term still makes me uncomfortable. It’s taken three years for nurses to reach their breaking point finally, and they have decided that their mental and physical health is just as important as those we care for.

But what happens when we finally set boundaries? We’re called lazy and selfish, and the guilt is put on twice as thick. Employers are narcissists, and we are only there to fill a void. The care has seemingly left healthcare in this day and age, and as a nurse and an empath, I am concerned about myself and the healthcare system. I want to be healthy, but my calling is to help, so why can’t those things overlap? Why do I feel like I have to choose one or the other?